Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
