Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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