hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
