She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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