So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
