twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
