I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize