I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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