You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize