the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
