Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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