Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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