I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
one might say we're banned from that church
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
