The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
