i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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