Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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