I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
