The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
