you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
