I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We left the knife in your bed.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
