Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
