Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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