Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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