I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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