i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize