Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
