oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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