You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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