she was so not down for the gang bang
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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