i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
