Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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