ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
