Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
