hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
