you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
