youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
