I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
