Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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