Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
