Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
