You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
