Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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