her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
