when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
