Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sarcasm needs its own font
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
