I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
