Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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