I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
