Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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