i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
