i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
