That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
