i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
