Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
