Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
