Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She needs sedatives and a leash
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
