At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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