Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize