nutella sex= disaster
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
