Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
