East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
