I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
