Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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